Twins 7, Royals 2 Record 20 – 37 13.5 GB
A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away…
Jedi manager Obi Ron surveyed his new recruits, heaved a sigh of dismay, and muttered into his beard, “This is a sad day indeed, for this game’s lineup is the sorriest bunch of players I’ve seen in a long time. Trying to teach these guys how to use the Force is hopeless.”
His fellow master Ander Son overheard him and replied, “Oh, that we had not lost so many already to the Dark Side, otherwise known as the DL.”
“Why is “Dark Side” abbreviated “DL”?
“Ah, it is a mystery, Obi Ron.”
“Just say you don’t know, OK?”
Certainly, Obi Ron.”
“And knock off the Obi Ron stuff already. Call me “Gardy.””
“That I cannot do, Obi Ron. It would not be proper. Though I have heard that the usurper Darth Ullger has been known to show disrespect in that manner.”
Obi Ron waived his hand in the air as if to end that line of discussion. “Where is the young Jedi Mauer? We need him badly.”
“But that is what I was referring to. The Dark Side has captured him, along with his fellows: Morneau, Thome, Slowey, Kubel, Nishioka, Nathan, Perkins, and Span. Who knows when we shall see them rejoin us? We shall have to make do with these lesser known troopers:
With another sigh, Obi Ron called young Alexi to his side and began to patiently instruct him in the ways of the Force. “Use the Force,” he said, “It is your strength and will lead you to victory.”
“No problem, man. I catch the ball and step on second. That’s the force!”
Obi Ron steeled himself to correct his protégé, but thought better of it and merely patted him on the back. Then he looked over the rest of the lineup card. “Whoever heard of a Jedi Knight called Rene or (he shuddered) Dinkelman?” The name of the number 3 hitter was a puzzle to pronounce, so he decided to call him “Cuddy” and pretend it was meant as an endearment. No, you sure didn’t get Jedi wannabees like you used to. He had a good mind to call up his son Tobi Wan. Surely he was at least as good as some of these bozos.
And then, the contest began. Their foe tonight would be from the realm of Kansas City and were of Royal blood. And their pitcher went by the name “Luke.” (Whoa…déjà vu.) Also, he had been told that one of them had in days past been known as “The Mexicutioner.” That sounded ominous. He looked at his team sitting eagerly in the dugout.
“I’ve got a bad feeling about this,” he said to no one in particular.
Imagine his surprise when they emerged 2:58 hours later victorious and young Alexi had garnered 4 hits, 2 RBI, and was the hero of the game! Even Brian (shudder) Dinkelman got his first major league hit and made a great catch in the outfield. Almost more astounding, the game ended with his team committing no errors. Really.
Obi Ron walked quietly back to the clubhouse and pondered the 2011 season so far. Yes, they had just won only their 20th game and yet were still the worst team in baseball. It was not likely they would have the wherewithal to erase the 13.5 games they trailed the division leading Indians. But this night…a young Twin learned to use the Force. Knowing Alexi, he would probably forget how by morning.
But for tonight it was enough.